I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
