My first STD was from a foam party
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
