my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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