I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
