Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Who died my cat blue again?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
