sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
