I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
These tits shall not be calmed
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
