do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he fucked my hip out of place.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
