I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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