I puked a lego.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
