Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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