I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just cut my nipple shaving
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
