You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
