I can text with my tongue
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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