Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
