I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
