Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
