somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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