I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
