i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
