I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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