jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
