sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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