yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
