you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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