we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
