my phone needs a breathalizer
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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