Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
