im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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