While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
