He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I looked at my own cervix.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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