I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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