Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
