You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
