Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My ATM looks so different sober.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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