normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She told me I should be a condom model.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
