No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
