you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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