Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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