One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
