You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
