she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
