so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Success! We fucked roommates!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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