i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
