dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
3pm strippers are depressing
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
