Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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