"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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