I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
