I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
