Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
