Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
