I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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